apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
