He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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