I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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