yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
