Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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