So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
