Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
