just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
