Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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