hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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