mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Pooping to opera.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
