I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
