If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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