Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Are we still banned from the library?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
