she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Found your dick twin last night
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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