reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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