I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
