I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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