i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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