I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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