Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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