dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
