My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
