I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
