I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
