Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
