dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
