Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
