Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
