We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
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It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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