His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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