I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
