and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
