I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
