Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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