New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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