I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
