adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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