just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
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Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
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If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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