Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
