he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
