But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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