I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize