i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
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I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
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I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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