even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
FUCK WHALES
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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