Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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