What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
