you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
