someone threw a dead crab at me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
if only i could text you this smell
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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