I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
