Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
