I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
