how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
