just come out here and I will go home with you...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
