i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
