I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
