I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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