How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
