As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
