i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
