So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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