Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
