I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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