i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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