If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
