hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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