yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My vagina is very pro this idea
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
