How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
