I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize