i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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