I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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