My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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