My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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