Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
