There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
