She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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