Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
