My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
high people should be assigned attendants
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
