hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
