I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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