My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
