just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
