Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
