i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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